I really don’t know where the time goes. Old photos make me smile and cry. Time has a way of pulling things apart as the years go by. It’s just the natural evolution of things. Everyone takes on more responsibilities (job, more homework, school activities). Schedules change, interests change, availability changes. People change.
Parents become more human as our kids begin to see us as the mere fractured mortals we are instead of the ever knowing super beings we once were. The great truth is parents don’t always have all the answers, we just scramble a little faster to come up with something we feel is helpful.
Emotions and Cynicism
All relationships have highs and lows. Some might say that reminiscing over memories while photo flipping is merely pointless attempts to relive or romanticize the past. The joy of a newborn baby’s birth unleashes overwhelming waves of emotion. A few simple photographs transport us back into that joyful moment. Cynics might consider the whole process a fruitless exercise for overly emotional people. I feel that’s a rather surface level assumption. We aren’t designed to be emotionless robots.
Folks who want to achieve an emotionless existence, often do so because they struggle with balancing their emotions. They crave something to validate their desire for emotions to be “bad”, therefore they can cut them off. If someone is chronically consumed by uncontrollable anger or paralyzing depression , I completely understand their need to seek an emotionless existence and hang on to every word that validates their desire for “no feelings”. All of us have wanted to shutdown the feeling flow at times.
Our brain is a big old chemical juice bar. It sends chemicals out , and sometimes there might be a leak in the valve so to speak. Hence, there are things that can fire off differently in the complex thought network of the mind. Some folks actually have chemical imbalances that are clinically debilitating. But I digress. That’s a different ball game
Remember Your Roots
Photographs and memories are part of the cognitive foundation of where we came from. They are just a small snapshot of what you were able to contribute to the lives of others. We only have so long to embrace each other on this earth.
I wish I had a million more photographs. There are so many images are in my memory that have no tangible medium. I regularly reboot my brain because I want to remember unphotographed moments with my grandparents, parents, 2nd cousins, great uncles, great aunts, etc. I always want to remember my cousin Speedy walking through the door, lighting up the room and loudly saying “Heeeeeeey !”. Yes I want to smile and cry. I miss her every time I remember her. When If her memory ever falls into oblivion, then my mind will truly be mush. Just wheel me to the window so I can stare at the butterflies while I wait to pass from this earth.
What I Leave Behind
When I do pass from this world, I only hope that people will look back at photos of me and treasure the moments we shared . I hope that people will keep a little part of me alive within themselves. I only hope I am worthy of those remembrances. I also hope that, any unburied hatchets, will be earthed along with my carcass.
Thankfully, the Lord has allowed me to come in contact with many people in my journey. Many of those interactions had an expiration date, but a purpose was served.
I also hope that , during my grand exit, I get to hold a few hands that I haven’t held in a long time. I hope the good I’ve done, or tried to do, overrides the garbage I have left in the world.
Love to all of the amazing people that have been in my life.