Here I am looking at the rest of my life. Barring some sort of crazy cyborg life extending technological advancements, my life is certainly more that half way done. I really thought that, by the time I got to this point, I would have had everything settled in. My life would be tremendously stable. Not necessarily financial stable, but emotional stable. Some constants should have been firmly rooted by now. A good old fashioned dependable routine that would be the foundation for the golden years in another decade or so. This is the spot where I was planning on having peace of mind knowing that the hardest battles were fought. I thought I would have nothing left to prove. Much to my dismay, that isn’t where I find myself.
Variables
I don’t exactly know how the dominoes fell this way. I know I have a whole lot of things I am proud of. Amazing memories and bonds have been formed along the way. There are also plenty of things I wish I could have changed or done differently. Maybe one slight adjustment would have prevented some sort of this malaise. Yes I am a science fiction fan so the endless speculation about how changing one variable could impact the present is always worth a useless pondering. It’s completely pointless. It’s a waste of time. Unfortunately I have a super analytical mind so I always want to find where things went askew.
Funny Not Funny
Around 2:00 am this morning I was watching a documentary on the NFL Network. Super Bowl winning coach Brian Billick gave me some insight. Coach Billick was discussing being a head coach and he stated, “The reason they hire you will be the reason they fire you.” That really resonated with me regarding relationships both personal and professional.
There was a moment today where I shared an old funny memory on Facebook. I thought it was hilarious then and now. I shared it to try to give a giggle to some folks. I deleted it when a comment reminded me how much has changed around me. The comment wasn’t rude, but it was a reminder that certain things have passed me by. It spun me out into some sadness.
I’m bummed out that I can’t chuckle the same way anymore. Laughter is one of my greatest treasures. I love quips, off the wall stuff and funny life situations. Yes I will always have a giggle and a snort for some sophomoric humor too. The world is so dang serious. One minute I’m breaking the tension with a little joke, a few years later I feel like the comedian standing on stage to a silent room wondering if the mic is working. “Check one, check two. Is this thing on?” I miss laughter.
Far Far Away
I was watching Shrek today. If you haven’t seen it I’ll hit the key points. Shrek is a big green ogre. In the first movie he starts off very confident. He knows who is. He also knows who isn’t. He is very self assured. Eventually love happens and the story progresses into self doubt and eventually he wins the heart of Princess Fiona.
In Shrek 2, He drinks a potion that turns him into a handsome human. If his wife (Princess Fiona) kisses him before the potion wears off, he remains a handsome human. Fiona decides not to kiss Shrek before the potion wears off. Fiona opts to wait until he changes back into the man she fell in love with. That man was inside that new skin, but she wanted the whole package. He can’t be an external façade with the real Shrek being buried inside. He’s got to be an ogre. She decides to embrace it all.
Granted, this is a fairy tale but how many times do we feel like Shrek ? How many times do we feel like we have to change everything about ourselves just to be loved? Why are trying so hard to change into something we really aren’t? What do we gain if we lose the very essence of what made us so dang lovable in the first place?
How many times are we Princess Fiona? Did she inadvertently make Shrek feel like he had to change just to be loved? Although her public life might be easier with the changed Shrek, she realizes that the man she fell in love with is the man she wants. She chooses to wait for big ol’ cranky green ogre Shrek to return.
Look Around
Take look at the Shreks in your life. There might be some people that you could reopen your heart to. Maybe you went in a different direction, but that doesn’t mean these the ogres can’t still be embraced. Do you have friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, or family that are Shrekish ? Give a second look to those relatives that are Grandma Ethel’s nephew’s second cousin twice removed. You know what? Shrek’s love was true. He was loyal to Fiona. He became close with a lot of weirdos too including my man Gingy ! He even stayed loyal to an annoying jack ass. (Much love to you Donkey). That is a good dude under all that grumpiness. Yes he’s still a cranky ogre with a questionable sense of humor. He is also super sensitive with a tender heart and a big ol’ smile that can light up a room. He’s also pretty dang funny. I wonder if he can play guitar? That reminds me. I gotta get some new strings soon.
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