Lately there have been too many times where I have felt like a stranger in my own world. How much of this is a natural progression? How much is self inflicted ? Is it a little of both? Is it something else entirely?
We surround ourselves with people that will be complimentary to our specific personality and skill set. It’s not really a conscious thing. It just seems to happen. Gaps get filled and relationships are always better when someone has strengths in areas where you are weak. I have typically fallen into the role of “fixer”. I am always honored when people turn to me for advice or a different perspective. Sometimes people simply don’t need “fixing” anymore. Who fixes the “fixer” ? That’s the mystery.
Disposable Purpose
If someone is the “peacemaker”, what happens when the peace is finally made? If someone is a very nurturing type how do they deal with an empty house? When your abilities are no longer needed, it is real easy to feel useless. This makes someone who once felt indispensable feels disposable. You feel like a forest ranger working in the Mojave desert. What do you do ? Feeling like you have already served your purpose is a hard thing to deal with.
I know I am not the only one who struggles with these feelings. I hope we will all find our new sense of belonging, meaning and self worth. Some people may be able to find their happiness simply through isolation and total self focus. That doesn’t work for me. I am trying to find more “me time” so I can just relax. That helps for a few hours.
Socialization
Ultimately I am one of those people who needs to be surrounded by the right people. I am a tribal person. I am a family person. Folks like me must seek out people who will help us heal and encourage us so we can reciprocate. We need people who understand us so we can understand them. We need need people who will listen so we can become better listeners.
The support might not be in our current circle. Support is different from enabling. Do you simply add to the circle or do you have to make your circle smaller? Do you remove a few people ? These are hard decisions with a high potential for more pain and confusion. Another chance to make wrong decisions. Is it a chance to make the right decisions?
Certainly some professional therapy may help. A therapist is a paid professional, however. That’s part of my hang-up on putting too much trust in a session. That relationship did not grow organically. People give a part of themselves to another when they organically form any sort of bond with another human being.
Someone who emotionally invests in you has skin in the game. When people are linked to you they can lift you up more because they “get you”. They know when to back off and when to poke you until you move. You get kicked in the ass when you need it, but they don’t beat you down. It’s a shared journey. They won’t tire when you can’t walk. They won’t quit on you when you are at your worst. Your tears are their tears. They try to bring out the best in you so you can go on fighting.
Sometimes there are several people out there who can fill that role in different parts of your life. I hope all of us can find the right mix of people and alone time to help us in our continuing journey. Keep on praying. Keep on hoping. Try not to bury the best part of what makes you special.
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