Let me start with the Reader’s Digest version. After many years of sporadic wandering, there came a point in time where things started coming together for me. My world was starting gel. I finally started to gain some traction in a profession. While it certainly wasn’t the rock n roll path I had hoped for, I was moving up the ranks quickly in a retail gig. Suddenly I was a hot commodity. I was earning respect from peers and leadership. I became a “go to” guy for the district. A year later I began dating my future wife.
As the years progressed. My family started growing. Babies were born. Pets were adopted. Homes were bought. Every career bump lead to something better. There were promotions. There were terminations. Those terminations lead to even better gigs. Personal and spiritual growth flourished. Now I don’t want to paint a perfect picture. There were a whole lot of stupid things that happened. There are many things I wish I could change. Some of those have been documented, others might be covered at a later date. I just condensed over 2 decades of major life changes and ups and downs into one paragraph because that journey isn’t the focus of this writing. What I have learned on the backside of the years is being content is blinding.
False Security and Questions
In this whole stretch of a couple of decades I thought I had gained a level having it “figured out”. I felt as though I had somehow managed to reach a level of Zen that others wouldn’t experience. I knew where I had been. I knew where I was in life. I was confident heading into the future. I internally questioned the decisions others made. I didn’t challenge people directly because that is not my place. I’m not a rude S.O.B. These were just routine fleeting thoughts. We all have moments where we internally question others.
Why doesn’t that person find another job if they are so miserable? Why does that person stay in a relationship if it causes so much pain? Why doesn’t that person go the church? How could they off themselves? How could that person get a divorce? Why doesn’t that person get a job? Why does that parent allow their child to speak to them in that manner? How could he treat her that way? How could she treat him that way? Why do they keep buying things they can’t afford? How could you not believe (insert thought)? You get the idea. You have probably uttered many of those same sentences.
Can’t Happen to Me
This is the problem that arises when people find themselves in a position of blind contentment. Overconfidence sets in, We inadvertently turn ourselves into some sort of pundit because we perceive ourselves to be in a better life moment than others. We can even move into a mindset where we are inadvertently looking down at other people. I don’t want to equate this with a snobbish or elitist world view. Again, I am referring to those fleeting thoughts that run through our heads. Let’s face it. There are a whole lot of things that flash through a person’s mind that should never be discussed.
As I move into this next phase of life I am starting to look at myself a bit more. I am getting to know the cracks in my own armor much better. My mind questions my own actions more than the actions of other people. I can’t fire off another brain cell in the direction of wondering , “How could they….?”, when I have to ask myself “Why am I doing this ?” I went through this process when I lost my last job. Why was I trying to go right back into the line of servitude to the corporate machine when I already had a side business I was running?
Maybe this is the moment in time where all of my fleeting thoughts of the past are coming back at me. “Why is he doing that? “,”Why isn’t he doing that?”, “I wish he would do this.” I have a deeper understanding now.
Divinity
While I do believe there are things the Lord puts in our path to help strengthen us, I do not assume every situation is God feeding us pain. I refuse to believe that God is serving up every heaping scoop of misery that piles up on the plate. If you do come to some miraculous point in your life where you solve the pain game, you must be aware of the pain of others. If your personal nirvana is too blissful you will not comprehend emotional upheavals of the people around you.
We are all uniquely wired creatures. We are loaners, introverts, fixers, extroverts, philosophers, grumps, circus freaks, poets, and a million other flavors in the stew of humanity. Being appreciated and valued is something that people need to feel. Sometimes it takes a long time to land in a spot where your gifts, talents and value is fully appreciated.
There is nothing rewarding about staying in a bad situation. It doesn’t elevate anything but anxiety and mental damage. Remember every lesson learned in this twisted roller coaster ride of life. Always listen to that little voice in your head. Sometimes we drown it out because it is only telling us what we already know but don’t want to accept.
Whether you are drinking the milk of human kindness or doing a keg stand over a barrel of your own tears, I hope you find a level of stability and happiness. When you do find that moment in time, do not let contentment blind you.
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